D.I.D. Card - Never leave home without it.

American Express be damned... a new rival card is being used regularly - the D.I.D. (Damsel in Distress) Card - Recognised Worldwide. I have certainly flexed it more than my Credit Card this trip. Fortunately I have heaps of good deeds previously banked so that I feel I can withdraw liberally.

Part of the reason for the distress involves the movement of giant flight cases filled with foam bodies and talking dentures. Next show will be called "Lana Schwarcz: No Puppet". Or at least: "Lana Schwarcz: Sock Puppet." Roll-able into small balls and stuff-able into shoes thrown into a suitcase. But the reason for distress also partly involves some negotiating with less than ideal billeting situations.

The movement of giant cases without previously relied upon van has been my greatest pain, but I hope I am getting better at it. I have truly had some amazing angels smiling down on me this trip and I am grateful for the massive kindnesses thrown my way - kindnesses that went well and truly above and beyond the call of duty. After super lovely Ottawa Fringe and subsequent Wakefield Fringe seasons (OMG - Gorgeous town, lovely people, and fab fringe!) I had booked a van to shift the set from my last show in Wakefield to drive early on Canada day to Toronto, a 5 hour drive from Ottawa. Now, a few things to note here:
1. Everyone in Quebec moves house on Canada Day, some throwback to a weird unified lease ending date, so there are literally no vans to ever be hired on the 1st July.
2. Everything is closed on Canada Day.
3. Australians clearly don't give a f%*k about Canada Day

I'm gonna try to make this kind of short as possible as it's a bit convoluted, but short story is I got dropped at the airport at 10pm to find that there was no van. At all. Even after confirming the booking in the afternoon. Thank you National/Alamo Car Hire (I am adding them to my list of people never to give money to again). After unsuccessfully testing the theory that those that shout loudest get the most, I realised that looking the "mad-woman" probably looked worse than the "desperate-small-woman-bawling" cos she was stranded at Ottawa airport on Canada Day Eve with no way to get back to the tiny, no-public-transport-after-4pm town of Wakefield. How the hell was I gonna bump my stuff out of the Black Sheep venue in time to get to my 2.30 tech in Toronto THE NEXT DAY??? I only had one Ottawa phone number in my phone. So I called it. Enter my hero, Old Man Kevin Waghorn, Ottawa Fringe Festival Director. Better than shining a bat symbol into the sky. Delightful, honorary Aussie/Kiwi, Kevin Waghorn. He arrived at the airport having cleared his minivan. I climbed in, wiped away some remaining tears and snot, and we rode away back to Wakefield, the sun already having set long ago. At least we could load my stuff and I could stay in Ottawa. Still no idea how I'd get to Toronto in time, I had finally accepted that I would never actually make my tech. Enter my other Heroes: Aussie expats and regular fringe billets, Charlie and Bridget. Holy batmobile, wouldn't you know it... they ended up driving me IN KEVIN'S VAN TO TORONTO AND THEN DROVE ALL THE WAY BACK!!!! I made my tech just in time. And would you believe that's just the SHORT version of the story?

That was amazing to me. Still is. So many people going so out of their way to make things happen. I owe them. I definitely want to come back here, with a new show, even just as some kind of weird thanks for the generosity I have experienced.

So Ottawa was heaps of fun, stayed with lovely billets Emma and Guy, walking distance to the fringe site, played impro with the local impro group there, ate multiple delicious hippy pancake breakfasts, had picnic lunch at the lake (with Jonno, Bridget, Charlie, Jem and Hamish the labrador), saw inspiring shows, got great review in Ottawa Citizen, and won a Catriona's Top Ten Fringe Crush Award for being... well... a fringe love crush! Sweet!

I also changed my show after discussions with many artists in Ottawa about the headphones. I have ditched technique I worked so hard on for so long, in favour of winning over more of the audience. I had taken a bit of a poll - about half the audience LOVED the style, as they were assured absolute documentary, but half the audience HATED it. I figured that even though it was compromising my original artistic intentions, essentially I still wanted to entertain and educate, and I couldn't do that by alienating half the audience. So I haven't used the recorded voice technique now for a week and a half, and although the show is more entertaining - it has definitely lost the authenticity. I find that try as I might, I will always pause for laughs, where the recording never allowed me to. So where it has gained, it has also lost, and where it has lost, it has also gained. I enjoy performing the show more, but I have to admit feeling sad that the documentary element is gone. 6 of one or half-dozen of the other, etc. It has in any case been a most interesting debate, but people end up concentrating more on whether they liked the style or not as opposed to concentrating on the story, and the story is more important.

In Wakefield I played in the delightful Black Sheep, well known as a band venue, and I felt so genuinely honoured to be there. Great place. Great great venue. Audience was brilliant even though the first night was a tech disaster! I stayed at a stunning place overlooking the river where my billet had built his entire house from scratch. If I hadn't been so distressed at being airport stranded I would have been devastated to leave this gorgeous place, but I had no room in my veins for extra emotion and we left so quickly I barely had time to say goodbye to these divine people. When we first arrived in Wakefield, I compared billet notes with Jem Rolls: his billet had horses, mine had a deck... we were both pretty darn stoked to be honest. I am belatedly sad I had to leave.

Toronto as a festival has actually been quite hard - getting audiences is difficult... but that may have had something to do with the fact that I opened at 11pm, with no buzz about my show being built up through earlier shows. Each time you get to a new fringe, you have to start from the beginning, and though I will get a bigger audience by my last show, Toronto doesn't get the buzz from the previous festivals like Ottawa and Wakefield did, so I had 4 paying people on my first night. However, I did give away loads of freebies and had accidentally and quite randomly given 2 comps to the director of the National Ballet School (what are the odds right?), who loved the show and has invited me to tour the Ballet School here, which I am doing tomorrow morning. Apparently they are doing the auditions for the school tomorrow, so I am practicing my scowl, to fit in with some of the intimidating looks that might be prevalent at the school tomorrow.

Also I have moved a lot closer into town than I was when I first arrived at my original billet's. I am pretty much staying in Little Italy which is much more convenient than where I was, but only because I have finally given into my princess-type tendencies and started demanding better conditions. Proximity to excellent gelato is a must. I head to Winnipeg soon after Toronto, but before that, will be doing comedy spots at a "secret show" at Comedy Bar tomorrow night and another spot at Paul Hutchison's Summer Comedy Porn Night on Saturday night: a stand up comedy night held in the basement of a sex shop. Should be interesting.... lucky I brought my fake Dildo Baggins with me as a prop! I might even be able to actually really turn it into a business....? Otherwise, Grandpa shows going well, with good buzz.. audiences are just a little low. But a few of us gals have put together a media pitch for "Femmes Fatales at Winnipeg Fringe" (well, not really me, more Candy and Gemma Wilcox doing the actual WORK - I just posed for the photos), so hopefully audience numbers will be bigger if the media decide to run with it (great photos by Jonno, but we're keeping them offline until media get it, but will post when i can). And i just got back from Buffalo where I shvitzed with cousin Jordana in a Bikram Yoga class, ate Stu's Gazpacho, and shopped with Agi in Wegman's - which has to be the world's largest supermarket. I also bought new runners to replace the one runner I lost in Ottawa (how do you lose only one shoe?). I am truly getting old - I keep bloody well forgetting things everywhere! Oh yeah, speaking of which, my birthday day was sweet, including a lovely Italian meal with Celeste, Blake and Sean.

Sigh. New friends. New towns. New promo. Delightful.